Emma's Pity/ Birthday/ End of Treatment and End of the World Party

On Friday 20th May, hundreds (felt like it) of people descended on Clapham Junction for a night of chaos and debauchery. The only rule for this evening was to wear a wig. I figured as I had to wear one for the last couple of months, then my friends should for one night! And boy, did they deliver!

Thanks to all who came. I couldn't have celebrated without you. Well, I could have. But that would have been very sad and I wouldn't have all these delightful pictures. (Send me more if you have them)

Last update....for a while

So I am sitting here in the house in france, nursing a glass of rose, transfixed on my kindle (early birthday present from the boy) and glancing up every now and then to check out my gorgeous boyfriend sunning himself in the garden and for the first time in a while, I am relaxed. So the radiotherapy is over or my sunbed sessions as I like to call them and si and I flew to France for the royal wedding bank holiday weekend.

The treatment was fine and much more bearable than Chemo albeit annoyingly on a daily basis than the three-weekly fix of Chemo. Honestly not a complaint. The team in charring cross were lovely and my 30 days of treatment went by relatively stress free. The issue with the radiotherapy is the delay in potential side affects rather than the instant ones of chemo which we discovered two weeks ago when waiting for my appointment for my sunbed (much more catchy now isn't it?), my chest started hurting a bit, a bit more then a lot, quite alot until breathing became an unnecessary pain. Wandering up to the receptionist grabbing below my left breast I wheezed "apologies for the weird request but I cannot breathe..." well she sprinted out of there and ran to get someone who went to get someone else from the next door a&e department who got a team with paddles thinking I was having a heart attack. Obviously adrenalined up, they seemed to be quite disappointed that I was still alive and kicking. I was rushed to a&e where I was given an ECG (heart rate thing), an X-ray and had some bloods taken.

I have to add here that I had been in Chelwest hospital the day before and had an hickmannectemy ie the long awaited removal of mr hickmann from off the top of my right boob. The procedure was done with lots of local anaesthetic and no other drugs which I would like to say was because I have grown over this experience and I have become an adult and accepted that I will need injections in the future but was basically because shauna told me I wasn't allowed any. Hell you wouldn't know otherwise- it's because I'm all grown up! Forget what I said about shauna, it was all me. Whereas the entry of the hickmann involved a sterile surgical room, lots of doctors in white face masks, the removal was a lot less clinical- I was in the big ward-like room with beds and curtained partitions where I go weekly for my chats with shauna if she is around and my line to be cleaned and flushed- kind of like a weekly mot. So one of prof's registrars who I'd met before and is lovely basically numbed the area and yanked out the line. So so gross and thank god simon was with me holding my hand throughout it all but I also have to give credit to myself- I was bloody brave- I just breathed and went along with it thinking of all the things I've been through in the last 6 months which I never imagined I would, that I can easily get through this. Plus I knew it was coming out since it went in so it made it slightly easier. Kind of like childbirth I imagine!! I'll put a couple of pics of me and hickmann and me and shauna on the blog when I get home.

So here I am at charring cross a&e with a nurse coming at me slow motion with a needle wanting my blood like an extra out of twilight, just one day after getting my line out. Talk about the law of sod! Some one up there has a very sick sense of humour!!! Anyway, cut a long story short, simon and Amy arrived and I met and discussed everything with the a&e doctor and he predicted I had plurasy- simply the swelling of the heart and lungs where I was having my tanning sessions and they were rubbing together causing me pain. This was to be expected slightly and was confirmed by the X-ray, the bloods and the ECG coming back negative. The plus was that during a change of shifts my lovely male irish nurse was replaced by a lovely English male nurse who was Paddy Barr, an old friend from school and a real sweetheart who i lost touch with and will be meeting for a drink with soon. Silver lining and all that!

So basically I have been busy meeting with friends, working, sorting out our roof terrace with si and been getting back to normal. They say this is the hardest bit where the treatment has stopped and lets be fair, the attention has died down and life is going on only that your body hasn't got the memo quite yet. I am constantly frustrated by my tiredness and lack of ability to do much for long periods. Gone is the triathlete body and stamina and I feel like I am starting from scratch. People keep saying to myself and si how well I look and its true, my hair is growing into quite the pixie cut and the wigs and hats have been used less and less and my confidence is growing, but generally a couple of hours after being on top form, I am crashed on the sofa knackered from the days events. It's hard to remember that I am still recovering especially when you see everyone going along as usual. My body is also completely messed up from the Chemo and my hormones are all over the place meaning that my monthly friend is a weekly visitor and my boobs went through a stage of being lumpy and scarily rock solid which was not only super uncomfortable but also bloody scary and put another type of cancer into my already frazzled brain. All is good though and very natural considering what my body has been put through and as the prof says, it's going to take me the same amount of time to recover from the treatment as the length of the treatment itself. So I'll meet you all in ibiza in sept 2011!!

So that's kind of all my news so the next few months are going to be filled with normalcy and you can relax those crossed fingers for 3 months where I will have another round of scans- the pet and ct and we find out how I am doing.

With welling eyeballs I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love, care and understanding. Not only for me but for the family who have been unwavering in their support and you in their support of them. Its been an interesting and eventful eight months but one that is temporarily having the door shut on it and with much sorrow it is slowly dawning on my that my "but I have cancer" excuse will no longer be unquestionably accepted. Bittersweet it is, as although the treatment is thankfully over, so is the reason for me to carry on the emails. Who knows, maybe I've caught a bug and the blog will carry on. Given the last couple of months, who knows what could happen?

Lots of love and kisses
Em
Sent from my iPhone

Update 29

Sent Monday 28th March:


Hi all,

Apologies for my lack of emails but nothing much has been happening. Until now where I find myself in yet another waiting room waiting for round 1 of emma's body vs radiotherapy.

It's weird but because I have been working lots and only at the hospital once a week for a Bower chat and a clean of my hickman but I forget that there are ill people in the world and also that I am one of them. On Bower's tough love advice I have been pushing myself so I've been to work for full days or working from home most days over the past two weeks and keeping busy over the weekend. I'm not going to be running a marathon yet but I am beginning to feel stronger and hopefully the radiotherapy won't knock that too much.

I think I am actually more nervous about this radiotherapy than I was about chemo as things are slowing down and less urgent than they were which is good but it's giving me' time to think and digest which is not necessarily a good thing. I have been given a hospital gown and a permanent tattoo (which is about the size of a freckle but I think I was very brave nonetheless) and with the daily hospital visits for the next 20 days, I'll feel like part of the staff here in no time!! As si reminded me that these 20 3 minute sessions will be the same length as 1 chemo treatment. I know which I'd rather have.
 
I was also devastated to hear about my chemo buddy, Johnny who I never actually met but we were updated on each others progress through our mothers, passed away in February. He had a very similar story in that he went to Croatia and came back and found out he had cancer too but unfortunately it was too widespread. He had a much tougher battle than me and had all sorts of treatments which were unsuccessful. But he managed to get home to new zealand and even marry his love before he died. He is my inspiration to be strong, kick this and live life, as he went through a lot more in the past 5 months than I ever have. It's just a great shame we couldn't have that celebratory glass of bubbly together when all this is over.
 
My fortnight off being a patient has done me well. My hair is growing back and is apparently a grade 4 buzzcut. The supplements I am taking seem to be doing some good. I had a friends birthday the other week and rather glamourously took the phrase "letting my hair down" literally and the night ended with my putting my wig on a male uni friend and discussing the pros and cons of being bald with a taxi driver- ok yelling at him, again! I should be banned from conversing with taxi drivers after a night out but saying that, if you've ever seen me' tipsy you'll know that si could have stopped me if he wanted!! The next day was a hangover haze of nandos, sunshine, friends and coronas which was blissful!!

This weekend si and I went to visit his cousin in st Albans via a trip to ikea. Despite almost divorcing in ikea due to my desire to "be inspired" and knack wandering off when simon wanted to be snappy and then Simons ability to dawdle when I was feeling the need for speed. Anyway, we made it out alive, albeit exhausted and were greeted with helen's new puppy Harvey, a bassador (basset hound/ Labrador cross) who was almost too cute. He has the face of a lab with oversized ears and the body of a basset with short legs. He has the face of an angel but boy can he bite. I look like I have been self harming but to be honest I can't complain as I was completely winding him up but I don't think I deserved being rugby tackled and my hat attacked while I was sitting down to put on my shoes. It was a busy and long day with a walk in the park and a yummy lunch but especially as Tom Tom took us back home through central London and right into the protest! Fun and games!!

I think that's basically all my news except that I am planning a big f-off birthday party to celebrate the end of all this nonsense which should be a laugh. The theme will be a wig party- I figure if I need to wear one then so should everyone else!! Simon's going to rock a mullet which will be nice. After this treatment, I'm going to have the hickmann out so I will be able to shower and swim and I'll be left alone for about 8 - 10 weeks for the natural swelling of the radiotherapy to calm down and then another ct and pet scan to add to my collection. Then it may be the path to freedom or the path to a hell of a lot more chemo. You'll have a bit of rest before you have to start crossing those fingers again!

Post radiotherapy now and I'm feeling okay. I am little shaken but more about the idea of it I think. I never really liked that cooking feeling of suntanning and now I'm going to be sunburnt for 20 days in a row feeling like ribeye steak! Ah well. Things could be way worse!

1 down, 19 to go.

Lots of love and kisses
Em
Xxx

Today's Update of yesterday's update

Hi all,

Firstly thank you all for your support and kind words. I wasn't fine yesterday but I am today. I have had my blah moment as I call it, where I have cried and cried and been comforted by the boy and am now I am
back on track.

I have had today off thanks to work to sort out my head and think for the future. My plan is to make lots of exciting plans. To work, to work out and see my friends and family. To go to our house in France with Simon and with my friends. To go to the theatre, to dinner, to get drunk and to eat McDonalds. Not necessarily all at once or in that order.

My situation royally sucks and I wish more than anything I could give Simon the holiday he really deserves but alas, it is not to be. Not yet anyway. So we will have to make do with being London bound for the next couple of months.

This is hard, this situation, on everyone- even you all I know so I greatly appreciate your love and presents- thanks Gem and Paul. I will be calling on you to fill up my diary with fun and exciting things so no 
pressure to be individual!!!

Well, my Indian takeaway has arrived and my glass of red wine needs filling so I'll be off.  The boy has made me a football widow so I am Gossip Girl marathoning it tonight. Don't judge me- I have cancer and still milking it! ;)

Love you lots and you have no idea how incredible your emails, texts and calls are to me.

Love and kisses

Em
xxxx

Update of Today's Update

Hi all, 

Okay. I'm going to come right out and say it and stop all the tension. 

Not as good news as we would have hoped so you have me and my incessant ramblings for a bit longer I'm afraid as my treatment is set to continue. 

Although the tumour has gone down lots and is basically approx 1cm x 2cm x 2cm from it's original size of a tennis ball, it still has some activity. The pet suv reading which is how much glucose it sucks up, has gone from 26 to 6 which is a considerable decline but is unfortunately not good enough. 

The fact that the tumour is still there leads to two thought processes- either this last bit is immune to the chemo and has it's own little waste and toxin sorting valve in it's cells which they can sometimes grow, that spits out all the chemo before it can attack. It wouldn't matter the combination of drugs as this mechanism in the cell rejects any foreign entity. The alternative is that it may just need that big blast to kick it up the backside. Similar to when dieting- its that last 1/2 pound that you can't shake after losing 5!

Which one it is we don't know and perhaps won't know until we start whichever treatment we start. So that's where my choices come in, each with their own benefits and pitfalls. 

To spare you all the long discussion, to the advice of prof and support of Amy, simon and the macmillian advisor Russ my decision seems to be a no brainer. Rather than opt for the blasting of chemo which may not even work if this last bit is immune to any chemicals and means I will have to feel as crappy as I did (and lose all my hair again), I am opting for radiotherapy. This is going to mean that I will be attending charring cross hospital each day for a month for my treatment when it begins. Although this does come with an increased risk in breast cancer in later life (1 in 5 rather than 1 in 8) and potential heart problems, it also comes with an 80% success rate which is good enough for me. The radiation will be localised to the small tumour and will be given in short and low doses so to reduce any of the long or short term side effects of which are much less aggressive than if I had high dose chemo and a stem cell transplant. Saying that, those might be on the cards after radiation if I am one of the unlucky 20%. 

So now I wait. I am being referred to a radiotherapy specialist at charring cross and treatment will start over the next month or so. 

Sorry I couldn't bring you better news and alas our stonker of a holiday is put on hold maybe until the autumn/ spring but that just means it will be all the sweeter when it comes!

Lots of love and kisses
Em
Xxx

Sent from my iPhone

Update 28 or Whatnot!

Hi all, 

So d-day is upon us finally. I am sitting perched on Simons lap due to the lack of chairs in the mdu on busy Tuesdays. 

So last week saw lots of tests and a little news but nothing we didn't really know before. 

Last weekend was spent in kent with si's parents and brother and girlfriend which was lovely and chilled as always. We went to the seaside and consumed disgusting amounts of phenomenal tapas and went home well rested with full bellies. Always the sign of a good weekend. 

After a bit of reshuffling of appointments, I had my ct scan on monday and the pet scan on Tuesday at tommys. The pet was super easy this time. I spent the morning downloading games on my iPhone which passed the 90 mins resting before the scan wonderfully. I was very brave and had two cannulas for these tests- one in my left front elbow arm (whatever it's actually called) and my right hand and didn't even cry!! I suppose they are bearable if they are once in a while. It's a bit more stressful when someones coming every day and threatening to take your blood with a sharp pointy stick. 

Anyway, we got the results from the ct scan on Tuesday as it was done in the same hospital ie chel west. They told us nothing different than the xrays- that the growth has shrunk considerably but it still there. We just need the pet to tell us whether it is scar tissue or still a bit of the tumour. That news will come in a couple of minutes when Amy arrives and prof gives us the news. 

Despite a bit of a meltdown last tuesday eve and Wednesday, I have been feeling fine and not too stressed about this. I've been getting texts and emails of support from friends but honestly haven't felt worried. I figure that this is not like a test i can study for, it's either worked or not. If not, then we deal with that and if it has, then we hand back my disabled parking, book some plane tickets and look forward to my hair growing back- it some places rather than others!!

Fingers crossed one last time hopefully then you can set them free I promise. 

I'll let you know the news as soon as I do. 

Lots of love
Em
X

Sent from my iPhone 

Update Number 28 (actually 27 but who's counting?)

Hi all,

I hope everything is fine and dandy with you all.

I shouldn't speak too soon but I fear we may be coming to the end of my updates which is definitely a good thing for us all and I can get rid of this god complex I have acquired.

Chemo 6 is done and dusted. Still a horrible experience but as with most things easier after a bit of understanding, problem solving and know how, each one became more manageable. Oh and shed loads of drugs! It's amazing how standard and normal it all becomes. I remember crying the first time I was told my neutrophils were low and now prof, shauna, dad and I are taking bets on how low they will be. Prof even taking it further by placing money on his guesses!

Here I am talking wistfully about my cancer experience when it might not even be over. But, and I am not counting my chickens, it is looking good. Dad managed to get a bit more info out of prof- who I am not to call him as it's too formal- so dad got a bit more info from Mark. The last three X-rays show that the tumour has not been shrinking which is not necessarily a bad thing as it does show it is calcifying which means it is starting to crumble and dissipate which is what it does when it starts to die. Obviously we aren't cracking open the champagne until the tests and done and the results are back but the mcknights are quietly pencilling in plans for the next couple of months in our diaries. Including a big, stonker of a trip to Bali and Australia in April and may if all things go according to plan. It's the "we kicked cancer's
ass" plan- me literally and simon by proxy by being my amazing support. I will let you know details when we have the opportunity to book post results and get your advice and opinions. Good things to look forward to.

So at the moment, it between hospital visits I am slowly reintroducing myself back into the world of work. It's all worked out really well as I have a lovely new boss who is just starting so we are learning and re-learning the ropes together. I will be mostly working from home at the moment and sometimes at the office with the balances shifting as I get used to a full day in the office. It's amazing how little strength and stamina I have left. Even walking up stairs and sometimes walking has me out of breath, gagging for a nap and earned me the nick name of makka Pakka for the way I stick out my bottom to help me manoeuvre up stairs- google him and watch him walking and you'll see how sexy I am. 

I have thought how silly I was for not maintaining it through daily walks and gentle exercise but then I remember what my body has been through and I am happy that it's been so supportive and hardy so I banish those thoughts. I'll get back into it and have a hotter body than before and back onto the marathons and triathlons. Rock hard abs here I come!! (we'll see how long this lasts!)

So spent valentines day with my honey. We went where we went for new years but I was sensible- hardly drank and wore flats- so no stories of tumbles and abusing/ abusive taxi drivers. It was a lovely evening once you got over the nausea of rows of rose petal filled tables of couples holding hands and gazing into each others eyes. I hate to say it but after a delicious meal and a glass of wine we were under the spell too. It was only ever broken by the pianist in the bar of the restaurant downstairs who was clumsily clanging their way through classic love songs on the piano. Guessing what they were playing was like playing humbugs with a tone deaf person! That had us in fits of giggles and trying to imagine what they looked like- guesses went from a child to a man with fat fingers which explained the occasional missed notes. My guess was a woman and I was right- imagine ginger frizzy hair, a definite owner of cats and teacher of piano lessons. To prevent myself sound like a complete meany, she was very sweet and gave us both big smiles as we each went to the toilets downstairs. Stuff the delicious crab tortellini and the yummy sea bass- she made the evening!!!

Amy and I are orphans again as mum and dad have abandoned us and jetted back to the sunshine for a couple of weeks. Talk about child abuse! I hung out with alfred on Saturday eve and he is doing well. Just about walking- it's taken a little while but bigger babies always do plus as he can almost have a conversation and can just about recite the full works of Shakespeare, what's a bit of walking when crawling works just as well? I'll put a video I took of him being such a little boy on the blog- he is laughing at his own farts! Very mature Alfred!

Also I'll add some pictures of Saturday night. Let's just say some yummy Italian food and lots of red wine combined with an iPhone and my wigs equals some very amusing pictures. Sorry ad and al- i'm not really! Everyone else be warned, I'm working through my phonebook to get pictures of everyone as a long haired brunette!

(NB: sorry can't do it. The pictures will remain for my personal amusement only!!)

The ct scan is next tuesday and the pet should be soon after so I promise to write the results as soon as I get them to avoid hate mail due to my lack of updates. Fingers crossed and we'll speak then my lovelies.

Hugs and kisses
Lots of love
Em xxx

Ps sitting in the hospital writing this one on my iPhone which has the lovely knack of remembering only the email addresses it wants so please forward it  on if you notice i've missed someone off. Cheers x

Sent from my iPhone

Update Number 26

Sent 27/1/2011


Dear all,

Sorry I have been AWOL but I assure you that no news is good news or should I say no news is no news!

I honestly don't know where this past fortnight has gone. I say fortnight because the first week after chemo I am no good to anyone. Just an eating and sleeping monster thanks to the steroids which makes my appetite insatiable and me' unable to sleep so a sleeping pill addict. I can tell you simon is a very lucky boy that week- I am hot stuff!

Actually, in the grand scheme of things this chemo has been the best. The side effects I've had like the chronic indigestion haven't been too bad. Certainly not like chemo 3 when i couldn't stop vomiting. Who knew aniseed pepto bismal would be my chemo lifesaver. With that breath, again lucky boy simon.

Week two consisted of lots of injections. My neutrophils were 0.8 when I went back in a week after chemo. They should be 2 to 8 so I was put on 5 sets of gcsf and they dropped to 0.1 which should not happen. Fun and games. Two more injections followed on wed and thurs of last week which definitely worked- boy did I ache. I know how Harry potter felt when he had to grow new bones as I'm sure that's what was happening to me. I was so achey I could barely move and my neutrophils jumped up to 36! I was so healthy I could practically eat off the pavement so the weekend I went a bit nuts.

On friday night, I had wine and take away sushi (only the cooked stuff though- the raw stuff will have to wait a little longer) with a friend. Then went selfridges shopping on Saturday morning with mum and Amy. My first trip on public transport since September and I had truly forgotten how lovely it was- all those pleasant people with hacking coughs and loud music. Shopping was funded by a selfridges voucher christmas present from our generous dad and I got some very cool converse and some make up for when I venture back into the world. I don't think my transparent cancer glow will be acceptable once I am cured. After that we ventured to eight over eight for a girly lunch. Many an hour and many a pound were spent on a delicious lunch with wine- a couple of bottles to be precise. I went home to my injured boyfriend who had had a football accident the week before, had lots of water and sobered up so felt fine the next morning to start again. On Sunday, popped on the long wig and a nice dress and met some friends for lunch. Again lots of wine with some yummy food and great company though i have to apologise for pulling the cancer card to get the last spring roll. That was a cheap move!!

It was a lovely weekend albeit a busy one and I have been absolutely knackered this week. Good to see the old me' is still there though and released with the popping of a cork, hidden under the lack of hair and cancer chat.

I am currently sitting in the hospital, just having had a reflexology session (some perks to spending hours in the hospital) and hooked into a drip for the r of my r-chop. My neutrophils have dropped again that my last and final chemo has been postponed to Monday after a couple more of those little injections from nurse simon. Fingers crossed that this is the last. I do have a bit of news in that there is a slight plan albeit a sketchy one. Four weeks after this chemo I am booked in for a ct and pet scan. There were queries about whether the pet scan was necessary but I'm sorry fellow taxpayers, I insisted. I'd rather know 100% that I have the all clear than there be any shadow of a doubt. But saying that, it's good news that they only wanted a basic scan- fingers crossed. Then after that we will know a bit more about the future and I can start making plans for my life- holidays, dinners, typical 27 year old stuff rather than the geriatric lifestyle I'm accustomed too.

I surprisingly (or maybe not) got a bit teary about the change my life is going to take. I've gotten used to the friendly faces at chelsea and westminster and my relaxed routine. As although I would much rather be healthy, living a normal life and back at work, this has been my life for 6 months so the transition back may be a little trickier. This is completely normal and I have been warned that it's the time after the treatment that can be the most difficult to digest. Saying that, all this is from the girl who had cabin fever and was so frustrated about still being in this cancer situation a couple of weeks ago. I can tend to be a bit fluctuating so once again lucky simon, mum and dad.

Apart from all that life and health have been good. Perhaps I shouldn't say this but I had a mishap the other day. After noticing a bit of skin pigmentation on my neck, I brought it up with shauna, my wonderful chemo nurse. She said it could have been brought on my the chemo but after a bit of further investigation with some water and a gauze, the strange pigmentation was exposed as dirt! How disgusting am I!!! I do bathe every day, sometimes twice but to my credit (okay I am clutching at straws) my hickmann line comes up to my neck and I'm a bit paranoid of it so try and avoid looking at it let alone touch or wash it. I'm coming across as a bit of a state- honestly I'm looking after myself and do scrub up nicely. Well I try.

I hope you are all well and keeping busy and again, hope to catch up with you all when all this is over.

Love and kisses and will keep you informed.

Love em xxxx

Sent from my iPhone

Update Number 25

Sent: Friday 7th Jan


Hi all,
 
(this is a two dayer- first part started yesterday Thursday and finished today)

So I am waiting in hospital and it's super busy so despite arriving at 9am I have yet to start chemo and it's now 11. Not to worry though as dad, grazia and Sophie Harris have been keeping me' busy and out of trouble.

Being rubbish at maths i miscalculated the days and arrived on Tues. to be poisoned but was told I was a couple of days premature as it had to be 21 days after the last chemo. The delay has done me' well though as I tend to get a little apprehensive before chemo as I'm unsure whether the cancer gods will be kind or in a bad mood however this time as I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, albeit a faint and distant light, I'm gagging to have it. Only one more my friends. Can't wait. Okay maybe not but this is the first big goalpost and we'll face the next as it comes.

This is 11 hours later. So this morning shauna (my wonderful chemo nurse) came up and asked whether I would mind having the yukky I.T (where they to a lumbar puncture into your spine to put some of the chemo in- you remember and you will be tested on all these terms at a later date) today as Shiros the doctor who does them is super busy tomorrow (Friday when I was meant to have it) so my first reaction was to make sure I would still get drugs- yes- so I rounded the I.T brigade of simon and mum to join us in the hospital for the appointment at 3. As it was 1pm and I was all done, the afternoon was filled with lunch with my dad and Sophie Harris who was my new chemo buddy for the day. They swapped babysitting duties and took me' to my doom. Did I mention how much I hate this bit??!!! Anyhoo, was allowed lots of drugs as I coped well, unlike last time when I almost stopped breathing as I was so sedated (weird cause I'd only had a small dose). This time I actually slept or passed out I should say. Woop woop! I've got to remember these for boring dinner parties or long flights and other times when you need to be knocked out. Might keep the Hickman line just for it. So just the chop and a massage tomorrow now. Much nicer Friday.

Enough of boring cancer chat. My new years was far more interesting. Si and I went to our lovely restaurant for a 9.30 sit down which was better as there was less time for us old people to wait for midnight. So I wore a new dress, the short wig for a change and some ridiculous high heels which looked fabulous accept when I tried to walk or negotiate stairs or even stand. Glancing over the cocktails list, I thought sod it. I'm getting pissed tonight. So I order a Bellini and then another and then a bottle of red so was very merry in no time thanks to my drink free 4 months. The food was delish and we saw the new years in with some champagne, a bit of pashing and a jazz band which was being overrun by revellers who had obviously taken the 6.30pm sitting and been drinking the yummy cocktails ever since. The gypsy kings will never sound the same again! Our carriage picked us up at 12.30 and as I tottered around on my high heels, I lost my footing and tumbled to the ground right in front of the minicab- part drink related, part high heels on uneven cobbles. Not best pleased the driver rolled down the window and yelled quite aggressively that he wasn't having no drunk girl who vomits in his cab. At this point, I was trying to gracefully pick myself up, straighten my skewed wig  and assess the damage to me' and my new dress so I yelled back- "how dare you. I have cancer. I could even take off my wig and show you"- not my finest hour!! Simon told him off in the car about how you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover etc despite it being after midnight on new years eve and we came tottering out of a restaurant and how i wasn't drunk (white lie- wasn't vomitty drunk). Anyway, by the end of the journey we'd all thought about what we had said and done and apologised to each other and went on our separate ways as better people.

Saturday was a bit of a hungover one. Egg McC muffins were had (see what I did there!!) Forgot how horrible hangovers were but at least I stuck with champagne and wine and left the jaegerbombs well alone so it wasn't too bad.

On Monday we were cultural and went to the national wildlife photographer of the year awards which was fantastic. Highly recommended. We've decided to get a print of a photo each year as simon got an icy landscape one from me' for Christmas last year. This year we have fallen in love with the tortoise from the Seychelles. Look her up- She's awesome!! 

As I have been writing this for two days and having just had an x-ray and shauna is approaching me' with the chop, I best be off. Massage up next while I'm hooked up. Lovely.

I hope you all had wonderful new years and look forward to catching up with you in the new year.

Lots of love and kisses
Emx

Update 24

Hi all,

I hope you had wonderful Christmas' with your families and loved ones.

I was very fortunate to have a great illness free time with my family and Simon's family.

After a delayed start for chemo on Friday, I had the best chemo I had so far. I don't know whether it was mind over matter as I was determined not to be ill over Christmas or the fact that we seem to have all drugs working to make me well, but whatever it was it worked. I am not questioning just hoping that the next one follows suit!

So apart from almost fainting in Oliver Bonas due to lack of food, my pre- Christmas preparations were great and all presents arrived safe and sound. Our Christmas Tree, despite lacking a star (honestly, there were no nice ones left in London!) was filled with tinsel, baubles and sparkling lights- picture attached. It was my first grown up one so I am a little biased.

Christmas day involved me waking up at 5am and behaving like a small child until Simon woke up and allowed us to open our presents. I was the proud recipient of a number of fantastic presents including a beautiful heart necklace, Jamie's cookbook and joseph joseph nesting bowls to name a few. I don't mean to blow my own trumpet but I had my pressies were sh*t hot as I had more than enough time to plan and pur-chase my presents. The proof is in the pudding- look at Alfred when he met his present- Iggle Piggle on the blog.

Love or Fear? or Both?

So obviously next we ventured over to Amy and Sam's for Christmas lunch with them and Alfred and Mum and Dad and a family friend Emily.

Mum and Emily - Cheers!!

Not sure why we have each other in a romantic headlock

The Boys

Amy opening Alfred's 3000 presents

Christmas lunch - Alfred style

We had a lovely day but we all sorely missed Max who should and would have joined us. Sam cooked up a feast and we left very full and satisfied after kicking the boy's asses at "Scene It". The next day we headed to Simon's parents for more food and presents and some games of "hum-bugs" which I rocked at. Sobriety definitely has its benefits when it comes to my competitive nature. 

Monday involved the whole Knight family congregating at the head matriarch and patriarch's house for more food and games. It was a wonderfully loud and conversation filled day as only the Knights can do!!! I loved it and outlasted Simon and his parents. Thankfully Grandpa Knight forgot that I promised to try some of his lamb next time I came over- dodged a bullet there!

After that and back to London and to the hospital. My neutrophils were fine and dandy thanks to lots of little Christmas injections Simon had been giving to me. So all good on that part.

So we are avoiding the crowds tonight by filling the evening with a lovely dinner with my gorgeous boyfriend at a local restaurant where we will see in the new year with a little champagne and some jazz. Loverly.

New Years McKnight style - woop woop!

Next chemo is on Tuesday and Wednesday so fingers crossed.

Have a Happy New Year and see you in 2011

2010- I got cancer

2011- I got rid of it!

Lots of love and kisses

Em

X