Today's Update of yesterday's update

Hi all,

Firstly thank you all for your support and kind words. I wasn't fine yesterday but I am today. I have had my blah moment as I call it, where I have cried and cried and been comforted by the boy and am now I am
back on track.

I have had today off thanks to work to sort out my head and think for the future. My plan is to make lots of exciting plans. To work, to work out and see my friends and family. To go to our house in France with Simon and with my friends. To go to the theatre, to dinner, to get drunk and to eat McDonalds. Not necessarily all at once or in that order.

My situation royally sucks and I wish more than anything I could give Simon the holiday he really deserves but alas, it is not to be. Not yet anyway. So we will have to make do with being London bound for the next couple of months.

This is hard, this situation, on everyone- even you all I know so I greatly appreciate your love and presents- thanks Gem and Paul. I will be calling on you to fill up my diary with fun and exciting things so no 
pressure to be individual!!!

Well, my Indian takeaway has arrived and my glass of red wine needs filling so I'll be off.  The boy has made me a football widow so I am Gossip Girl marathoning it tonight. Don't judge me- I have cancer and still milking it! ;)

Love you lots and you have no idea how incredible your emails, texts and calls are to me.

Love and kisses

Em
xxxx

Update of Today's Update

Hi all, 

Okay. I'm going to come right out and say it and stop all the tension. 

Not as good news as we would have hoped so you have me and my incessant ramblings for a bit longer I'm afraid as my treatment is set to continue. 

Although the tumour has gone down lots and is basically approx 1cm x 2cm x 2cm from it's original size of a tennis ball, it still has some activity. The pet suv reading which is how much glucose it sucks up, has gone from 26 to 6 which is a considerable decline but is unfortunately not good enough. 

The fact that the tumour is still there leads to two thought processes- either this last bit is immune to the chemo and has it's own little waste and toxin sorting valve in it's cells which they can sometimes grow, that spits out all the chemo before it can attack. It wouldn't matter the combination of drugs as this mechanism in the cell rejects any foreign entity. The alternative is that it may just need that big blast to kick it up the backside. Similar to when dieting- its that last 1/2 pound that you can't shake after losing 5!

Which one it is we don't know and perhaps won't know until we start whichever treatment we start. So that's where my choices come in, each with their own benefits and pitfalls. 

To spare you all the long discussion, to the advice of prof and support of Amy, simon and the macmillian advisor Russ my decision seems to be a no brainer. Rather than opt for the blasting of chemo which may not even work if this last bit is immune to any chemicals and means I will have to feel as crappy as I did (and lose all my hair again), I am opting for radiotherapy. This is going to mean that I will be attending charring cross hospital each day for a month for my treatment when it begins. Although this does come with an increased risk in breast cancer in later life (1 in 5 rather than 1 in 8) and potential heart problems, it also comes with an 80% success rate which is good enough for me. The radiation will be localised to the small tumour and will be given in short and low doses so to reduce any of the long or short term side effects of which are much less aggressive than if I had high dose chemo and a stem cell transplant. Saying that, those might be on the cards after radiation if I am one of the unlucky 20%. 

So now I wait. I am being referred to a radiotherapy specialist at charring cross and treatment will start over the next month or so. 

Sorry I couldn't bring you better news and alas our stonker of a holiday is put on hold maybe until the autumn/ spring but that just means it will be all the sweeter when it comes!

Lots of love and kisses
Em
Xxx

Sent from my iPhone

Update 28 or Whatnot!

Hi all, 

So d-day is upon us finally. I am sitting perched on Simons lap due to the lack of chairs in the mdu on busy Tuesdays. 

So last week saw lots of tests and a little news but nothing we didn't really know before. 

Last weekend was spent in kent with si's parents and brother and girlfriend which was lovely and chilled as always. We went to the seaside and consumed disgusting amounts of phenomenal tapas and went home well rested with full bellies. Always the sign of a good weekend. 

After a bit of reshuffling of appointments, I had my ct scan on monday and the pet scan on Tuesday at tommys. The pet was super easy this time. I spent the morning downloading games on my iPhone which passed the 90 mins resting before the scan wonderfully. I was very brave and had two cannulas for these tests- one in my left front elbow arm (whatever it's actually called) and my right hand and didn't even cry!! I suppose they are bearable if they are once in a while. It's a bit more stressful when someones coming every day and threatening to take your blood with a sharp pointy stick. 

Anyway, we got the results from the ct scan on Tuesday as it was done in the same hospital ie chel west. They told us nothing different than the xrays- that the growth has shrunk considerably but it still there. We just need the pet to tell us whether it is scar tissue or still a bit of the tumour. That news will come in a couple of minutes when Amy arrives and prof gives us the news. 

Despite a bit of a meltdown last tuesday eve and Wednesday, I have been feeling fine and not too stressed about this. I've been getting texts and emails of support from friends but honestly haven't felt worried. I figure that this is not like a test i can study for, it's either worked or not. If not, then we deal with that and if it has, then we hand back my disabled parking, book some plane tickets and look forward to my hair growing back- it some places rather than others!!

Fingers crossed one last time hopefully then you can set them free I promise. 

I'll let you know the news as soon as I do. 

Lots of love
Em
X

Sent from my iPhone