Last update....for a while

So I am sitting here in the house in france, nursing a glass of rose, transfixed on my kindle (early birthday present from the boy) and glancing up every now and then to check out my gorgeous boyfriend sunning himself in the garden and for the first time in a while, I am relaxed. So the radiotherapy is over or my sunbed sessions as I like to call them and si and I flew to France for the royal wedding bank holiday weekend.

The treatment was fine and much more bearable than Chemo albeit annoyingly on a daily basis than the three-weekly fix of Chemo. Honestly not a complaint. The team in charring cross were lovely and my 30 days of treatment went by relatively stress free. The issue with the radiotherapy is the delay in potential side affects rather than the instant ones of chemo which we discovered two weeks ago when waiting for my appointment for my sunbed (much more catchy now isn't it?), my chest started hurting a bit, a bit more then a lot, quite alot until breathing became an unnecessary pain. Wandering up to the receptionist grabbing below my left breast I wheezed "apologies for the weird request but I cannot breathe..." well she sprinted out of there and ran to get someone who went to get someone else from the next door a&e department who got a team with paddles thinking I was having a heart attack. Obviously adrenalined up, they seemed to be quite disappointed that I was still alive and kicking. I was rushed to a&e where I was given an ECG (heart rate thing), an X-ray and had some bloods taken.

I have to add here that I had been in Chelwest hospital the day before and had an hickmannectemy ie the long awaited removal of mr hickmann from off the top of my right boob. The procedure was done with lots of local anaesthetic and no other drugs which I would like to say was because I have grown over this experience and I have become an adult and accepted that I will need injections in the future but was basically because shauna told me I wasn't allowed any. Hell you wouldn't know otherwise- it's because I'm all grown up! Forget what I said about shauna, it was all me. Whereas the entry of the hickmann involved a sterile surgical room, lots of doctors in white face masks, the removal was a lot less clinical- I was in the big ward-like room with beds and curtained partitions where I go weekly for my chats with shauna if she is around and my line to be cleaned and flushed- kind of like a weekly mot. So one of prof's registrars who I'd met before and is lovely basically numbed the area and yanked out the line. So so gross and thank god simon was with me holding my hand throughout it all but I also have to give credit to myself- I was bloody brave- I just breathed and went along with it thinking of all the things I've been through in the last 6 months which I never imagined I would, that I can easily get through this. Plus I knew it was coming out since it went in so it made it slightly easier. Kind of like childbirth I imagine!! I'll put a couple of pics of me and hickmann and me and shauna on the blog when I get home.

So here I am at charring cross a&e with a nurse coming at me slow motion with a needle wanting my blood like an extra out of twilight, just one day after getting my line out. Talk about the law of sod! Some one up there has a very sick sense of humour!!! Anyway, cut a long story short, simon and Amy arrived and I met and discussed everything with the a&e doctor and he predicted I had plurasy- simply the swelling of the heart and lungs where I was having my tanning sessions and they were rubbing together causing me pain. This was to be expected slightly and was confirmed by the X-ray, the bloods and the ECG coming back negative. The plus was that during a change of shifts my lovely male irish nurse was replaced by a lovely English male nurse who was Paddy Barr, an old friend from school and a real sweetheart who i lost touch with and will be meeting for a drink with soon. Silver lining and all that!

So basically I have been busy meeting with friends, working, sorting out our roof terrace with si and been getting back to normal. They say this is the hardest bit where the treatment has stopped and lets be fair, the attention has died down and life is going on only that your body hasn't got the memo quite yet. I am constantly frustrated by my tiredness and lack of ability to do much for long periods. Gone is the triathlete body and stamina and I feel like I am starting from scratch. People keep saying to myself and si how well I look and its true, my hair is growing into quite the pixie cut and the wigs and hats have been used less and less and my confidence is growing, but generally a couple of hours after being on top form, I am crashed on the sofa knackered from the days events. It's hard to remember that I am still recovering especially when you see everyone going along as usual. My body is also completely messed up from the Chemo and my hormones are all over the place meaning that my monthly friend is a weekly visitor and my boobs went through a stage of being lumpy and scarily rock solid which was not only super uncomfortable but also bloody scary and put another type of cancer into my already frazzled brain. All is good though and very natural considering what my body has been put through and as the prof says, it's going to take me the same amount of time to recover from the treatment as the length of the treatment itself. So I'll meet you all in ibiza in sept 2011!!

So that's kind of all my news so the next few months are going to be filled with normalcy and you can relax those crossed fingers for 3 months where I will have another round of scans- the pet and ct and we find out how I am doing.

With welling eyeballs I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love, care and understanding. Not only for me but for the family who have been unwavering in their support and you in their support of them. Its been an interesting and eventful eight months but one that is temporarily having the door shut on it and with much sorrow it is slowly dawning on my that my "but I have cancer" excuse will no longer be unquestionably accepted. Bittersweet it is, as although the treatment is thankfully over, so is the reason for me to carry on the emails. Who knows, maybe I've caught a bug and the blog will carry on. Given the last couple of months, who knows what could happen?

Lots of love and kisses
Em
Sent from my iPhone