Update 29

Sent Monday 28th March:


Hi all,

Apologies for my lack of emails but nothing much has been happening. Until now where I find myself in yet another waiting room waiting for round 1 of emma's body vs radiotherapy.

It's weird but because I have been working lots and only at the hospital once a week for a Bower chat and a clean of my hickman but I forget that there are ill people in the world and also that I am one of them. On Bower's tough love advice I have been pushing myself so I've been to work for full days or working from home most days over the past two weeks and keeping busy over the weekend. I'm not going to be running a marathon yet but I am beginning to feel stronger and hopefully the radiotherapy won't knock that too much.

I think I am actually more nervous about this radiotherapy than I was about chemo as things are slowing down and less urgent than they were which is good but it's giving me' time to think and digest which is not necessarily a good thing. I have been given a hospital gown and a permanent tattoo (which is about the size of a freckle but I think I was very brave nonetheless) and with the daily hospital visits for the next 20 days, I'll feel like part of the staff here in no time!! As si reminded me that these 20 3 minute sessions will be the same length as 1 chemo treatment. I know which I'd rather have.
 
I was also devastated to hear about my chemo buddy, Johnny who I never actually met but we were updated on each others progress through our mothers, passed away in February. He had a very similar story in that he went to Croatia and came back and found out he had cancer too but unfortunately it was too widespread. He had a much tougher battle than me and had all sorts of treatments which were unsuccessful. But he managed to get home to new zealand and even marry his love before he died. He is my inspiration to be strong, kick this and live life, as he went through a lot more in the past 5 months than I ever have. It's just a great shame we couldn't have that celebratory glass of bubbly together when all this is over.
 
My fortnight off being a patient has done me well. My hair is growing back and is apparently a grade 4 buzzcut. The supplements I am taking seem to be doing some good. I had a friends birthday the other week and rather glamourously took the phrase "letting my hair down" literally and the night ended with my putting my wig on a male uni friend and discussing the pros and cons of being bald with a taxi driver- ok yelling at him, again! I should be banned from conversing with taxi drivers after a night out but saying that, if you've ever seen me' tipsy you'll know that si could have stopped me if he wanted!! The next day was a hangover haze of nandos, sunshine, friends and coronas which was blissful!!

This weekend si and I went to visit his cousin in st Albans via a trip to ikea. Despite almost divorcing in ikea due to my desire to "be inspired" and knack wandering off when simon wanted to be snappy and then Simons ability to dawdle when I was feeling the need for speed. Anyway, we made it out alive, albeit exhausted and were greeted with helen's new puppy Harvey, a bassador (basset hound/ Labrador cross) who was almost too cute. He has the face of a lab with oversized ears and the body of a basset with short legs. He has the face of an angel but boy can he bite. I look like I have been self harming but to be honest I can't complain as I was completely winding him up but I don't think I deserved being rugby tackled and my hat attacked while I was sitting down to put on my shoes. It was a busy and long day with a walk in the park and a yummy lunch but especially as Tom Tom took us back home through central London and right into the protest! Fun and games!!

I think that's basically all my news except that I am planning a big f-off birthday party to celebrate the end of all this nonsense which should be a laugh. The theme will be a wig party- I figure if I need to wear one then so should everyone else!! Simon's going to rock a mullet which will be nice. After this treatment, I'm going to have the hickmann out so I will be able to shower and swim and I'll be left alone for about 8 - 10 weeks for the natural swelling of the radiotherapy to calm down and then another ct and pet scan to add to my collection. Then it may be the path to freedom or the path to a hell of a lot more chemo. You'll have a bit of rest before you have to start crossing those fingers again!

Post radiotherapy now and I'm feeling okay. I am little shaken but more about the idea of it I think. I never really liked that cooking feeling of suntanning and now I'm going to be sunburnt for 20 days in a row feeling like ribeye steak! Ah well. Things could be way worse!

1 down, 19 to go.

Lots of love and kisses
Em
Xxx