FW: Update Again

(sent 12th August 2011)

Hi girls and boys, 

Just a very quick update as I'm knackered but you have all been so lovely with your texts and emails, I definitely can't leave you hanging so here's the update. 

To cut a long story short there's no news. There is still a small bit of activity but it is not clear whether it's good activity or bad. To explain, when you have a pet scan they pump you through with radioactive glucose, which as you will remember from previous updates, cancer loves glucose so sucks it up and the energy it generates glows under the scan. 

So I glowed. This is either because there is a small amount of the cancer left which greedily eats up the glucose or either it is just scar tissue that is trying to heal and using energy to do so. Either option is equally viable and cannot yet be confirmed which leaves me now in limbo. 

This was to be expected as it is said the radiotherapy can take months to heal and we took the first possible window to have the scan- 3 months. So new plan of attack is to revisit this in 3 months for another scan. Pause and replay. 

I'm actually fine about it, just lacking in humour as I am hungover and tired. So think of something funny and pretend I said it. This situation is what it is and although it is a bit annoying to be kept waiting again, I'm happy, healthy and getting on with life! What more could you ask for. 

I'll update you further when my sense of humour returns and speak more about the Bower meeting. (I need to be nice now as I finally gave him the blog address- hi Mark!!!)

Speak soon

Hugs and kisses
Em
Xxx

Sent from my iPhone

Update Again

(Sent 4th August 2011)

Hello! Did you miss me?

I predict this message will be a two parter as although I am writing this in bed still very much on my sugar high from my mass pick n mix selection at the cinema tonight (Tuesday), I'm hoping sleep will take me soon as I fear this won't be a good night for insomnia. Alas tomorrow is day of tests (or more correctly test) aka Emma vs the tumour verdict round two. 

I have successfully succeeded in project normality for the past couple of months since my birthday and last blog, apart from the occasional flare of pleurisy and even more sporadic hospital check ups, life with me has been relatively drama free. I have even mastered the skill of "head in sand" itis as I managed to distract myself long enough to forget about the tests until a week ago. Saying that, it was only recently mastered and it was primarily thanks to prof bower the great. 

Long story short, I was conversing with a lady whom I met recently and I was telling her of my past health hiccup and the future potential plans for me and she asked me the simple question "what do you want to do?". Simple enough yes but not necessarily one that had been ever asked to me when my answer was being taken into consideration. I pondered. I realised that the path I wanted to follow was not the one I had been put on medically. The stem cell transplant was my next stop if my condition was still hanging around and more than anything, I didn't want it. It would mean a month or so in solitary confinement while my body basically regenerated a new immune system. Baby McCaugheys would also be out of the question- my babies anyway as I could always find an egg donor. Not necessarily the things you want or need to think about until you have to. So my gut instinct was hell no to the transplant. So I looked into going down the natural route. I didn't venture far but enough to realise that there is a lot out there. Then came my monthly meet with bower. 

I must've caught him on a good day or a less of a bad day or he must have sensed my trepidation regarding the fast looming tests, either way his response to my newfound distain of his plan of the stem cell transplant, was complete agreement. With a wave of his hand, the notion was removed from not only the table but from the conversation and all subsequent discussions. "You'll be fine. You'll be fine. You'll be overpopulating the earth with your babies in no time". That positivity coming from bower is grounds for a national holiday in itself. So whatever his reasoning, his method worked and the last few weeks have flown by. And if it wasn't for that damn pick n mix, tonight would have flown by too!

So that was Tuesday and today is Thursday. My plans to scribe from my hospital bed yesterday went capluey as with the radioactive stuff they inject into me, in order for it to get sucked up by the tumour I needed to lie down for 90 mins and anything "active" like typing or playing iPhone games can attract all the radioactive stuff to the active muscles, highlighing them on the scan rather than the bad stuff. You get me? See I'm 3/4 of the way to becoming a doctor!

So yesterday went fine- all very uneventful once you have done them a couple of times. I've learnt all the tricks now- get the cannula taken out as quickly as possible and always ask for music when you're in the scan (30 mins of silence takes forever but 10 3 minute songs fly by - even when it's Pixie Lott's album -what a bunch of drivel but thanks anyway Pixie!!. So m&s filled my post scan starvation as you have to not eat or drink anything bar water from midnight which gets trickier when you are up most of the night! The day was topped off by an 8/8 meal with mum and I tipsily agreed to a new running partner for next years marathon. That's the new focus I guess- plus as my friend put it, I'll probably get on telly as I've got one of those great sob stories! 5 minutes of fame! Woo hoo!

So now the other stuff in a nutshell- working 4 days a week at work thanks to my wonderful boss who has been very supportive. Without going over old ground as I'm not sure what you know- went to back to work all guns blazing then slowly the adrenaline and excitement wore off and I was just really tired. The tipping point was on my birthday when I was sitting at my desk and as everyone came with cake to sing happy birthday, I burst into tears and sobbed disgustingly into the cake! I was completely overtired. So it was deemed best for everyone involved if I cut my hours and worked up to a full week. So 3 days have become 4 days and will soon go back to a full week again. Can't wait  but honestly it'll be good to be back to normal. 

Speaking of normal, my new hair is definitely not my natural shade. I have gone bleeched blonde. Why not I thought? The cancer (or chemo more correctly) took my hair so I am taking back control by purposely keeping it short and having fun. Attached is a photo for your pleasure but please don't judge too much- it was at the work summer party so I am not at my most sober.

I think that is all- Simon and I are off to Brussels this weekend and then in a couple of weeks 5 girlfriends and I are off to our house in the South of France for a week which will be lovely. Well hopefully. We are doing a Come Dine With Me style challenge each night so fingers crossed I avoid getting salmonella! Just kidding. Honestly don't spit in my food.

Results are due on August 12th so I promise to update you again. 

Speak soon.

Lots of hugs and kisses,
Em
XX

Sent from my iPhone