Update Number 23

Hi all,

I have been a bit AWOL since my last update but trust me no news is good news and I thought boring you with my daily nap updates would be a bit narcissistic!

All is good. Hospital day yesterday and meant to be the start of Chemo 4 but alas, those damn neutrophils were too low so I am scheduled in for Friday. Fingers crossed. I never thought I would be in the hospital begging my lovely Macmillian Nurse, Shauna and The Prof for Chemo but if I don't have it this week then my Christmas day will be a bit of a challenge. So again with the white blood cells dance people, my Christmas depends on it. So I have had the non-chemo part of my chemo, the Rituximab which is the lengthy part - CHECK, and the rest of the week follows two more injections for my neutrophils yesterday- CHECK, today- CHECK. Day off on Thursday to "recover" then chemo 4 and lots of drugs on Friday.

The CT Scan - Not mine

A PET Scan - Again not mine
so ignore the arrow!

You - hee hee!!

To fill you all in about the next couple of months, the plan is to have chemo 4 this week (again fingers crossed), Chemo 5 on 3rd Jan and Chemo 6 at the end of Jan. Then après ca, I wait a month for the chemo to evacuate my person, then have a CT scan (easy peasy) and a PET scan (the lovely one with the radioactive stuff in my veins). If there is any activity, even just a smidge, then I'll either have two treatments; radiotherapy- which Bower doesn't want to do as I am young and it would be in my chest which will increase the likelihood of developing breast cancer later on, or have more chemo and a stem cell transplant. I have been avoiding asking what this is due to fear of it being another horrible invasive procedure but after speaking to my new BFF Flip (I'll introduce you later) I'm not afraid. Basically because I have the Hickmann Line (my best friend and my enemy) all they will do is take my blood, put it through a "washing machine" to get to the stem cells and chuck them in a fridge. Then I will get 2.5 to 3 times my normal dose of chemo and the next day the stem cells go back into my body. This is basically because if they were to give me the full whammy they would kill my blood cells and it would take a long time for them to recover. Therefore by taking out the stem cells which are the blood cells at the earliest stage of development in the bone marrow and the cells from which all blood cells in the body develop, they can pop them back in and I'll heal quicker. Saying that, this is a 6 week process (they say, although the average is 16 days) whereby I am in isolation. BOR-RING! I'll be in a private room in Hammersmith Hospital which I cannot leave and if you visit you will need to wear full protection as I will have no immune system. So I'll be chilling in my white, ridiculously sanitised room willing my blood cells to produce and reproduce. Alas, this is all chat and Bower won't tell me until we have finished the full 6 so we'll have to see if this is my fate. It'll be horrible having that much chemo but I would do it tomorrow if it cured me and meant the cancer would never come back. Duh! Obviously!

So Bower introduced me to 37 year old Flip who was celebrating her 4th year anniversary in remission. Our stories are very similar, same cancer, same place, same effects on our hearts although she had fluid in her lungs and her heart kept filling up so she had a much more difficult time in the early stages- I thought 2 biopsies were bad! However, there were major differences, in that she was given the option of a stem cell transplant which would almost certainly mean a cancer free life so she jumped on it. Being four years earlier, I believe she looks bad with hazy rose tinted glasses and I know that all people react differently to the drugs but she massively downplays her chemo as nothing more than a bad headache. But you know what? Absolutely fair enough. I hope that I am not sitting there in 4 years and reminiscing about the chemo enough to remember how yucky it is. I want to focus on the recovery and the wonderful things that have come out of it like reminding me how amazing my family, boyfriend and friends are- not that I needed reminding of course! We plan to go for a celebratory drink when I am cured and we can cheers our champagne to our recoveries.

I've had some very interesting conversations with Bower and learnt a lot about cancer. I think the time came when I needed answers to my millions of questions- What is cancer? How old is cancer? Did I do anything to cause my cancer? Very unlike me, the answers to those questions are here in a very simple way, minus Bower's 5 minute pauses. If you aren't interested, skip the next paragraph. I found it fascinating but of course as it's about me, I would!

Basically cancer occurs when the cells of the body in an uncontrolled manner creating a lump called a tumour. 

Cancer is traced back to the Greeks and the starsigns- cancer is the crab after the crab-like features of breast cancer on the breast, but the first documented cases of cancer come from the Egyptians who wrote about breast cancer. However, Bower has a picture of a dinosaur skeleton where it's tail is malformed due to a tumour growth. As Bower puts it, as long as there is life, cells and evolution there is cancer. There cannot be progression without it. When it's put like that it's hard to be angry or pissed off about my situation especially as 1 in 3 people will suffer from it.

Finally, cancer is formed in two main strains- external or internal. Externally there are carcinogenic things around us all the time but most of them do not have the energy to shift good cells into mutated ones even with prolonged exposure. For example, your mobile phone won't cause a brain tumour but if you are already susceptible to a brain tumour (through internal reasons) it may cause the tumour to grow on the side you most hold your phone. The internal factors can be broken down into three; biology- genetics can play a part in cancers but only 5% and mainly with breast cancer also both parents need to be carriers. This isn't the case with my type. Chemistry- some illnesses can increase your chances for non-hodgkins (NHL) namely glandular fever- the kissing disease which I do not have as well. Physics- I'm not obese, I eat well, I don't drink alot or smoke anymore (used to occasionally). I'm young and a woman (NHL is more common in men) so in theory everything should be dandy. There are known causes for cancer but it is very hard to pinpoint causes in an individual cases. To plagiarize the internet "Doctors can seldom explain why one person gets non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and another does not. It is clear, however, that cancer is not caused by an injury, and is not contagious; no one can "catch" non-Hodgkin's lymphoma from another person." There you go- fascinating but pretty useless!! ha ha!!


Wow! Long email about cancer!!

A little more news, little Alfred was in hospital last week. He is home and well now but came down with a throat infection and very high temperature together with his eczema, he was a poorly little bunny. He and Amy spent three days in St Vincents in Tooting and had a little private room with her bed beside his cot- not that either got much sleep. He had massive cabin fever by the end and is loving being out and about with Nanny and Poppa T. I believe he is currently feeding the ducks (and himself- he doesn't quite get it yet) in Wandsworth. I babysat him on Monday and he was on great form. He knows me and who I am and says Emma whenever the phone rings. He is delicious- I can't wait until Christmas day. It's not his first but the first he will remember. Think poor Amy and Sam need a couple a drama free year next year. At least they have had their three things - me, Max and Alfred so that should be the end of it.

So so tired after a long day at the hospital - The Eastalls

Also this week, I went to work, had lunch with some friends at 8 over 8, had my work Christmas dinner, went to borough market, bought our Christmas tree (it's bit wonky and we probably overpaid but it's lush and our first christmas tree together so we love it), I'm sure I did more, I just have a sieve for a brain at the moment (resist the urge to comment please).

So with two more days of sanity left, there are christmas presents that need to be wrapped so I best be off.

This will go on the blog as usual - taurusnotcancer.blogspot,com if you forgot.

Thanks once again for all your support and love, even if I don't get back to you please know that it is so appreciated.

Lots of hugs and kisses and see you on the otherside of Chemo 4 (phew...almost there)

Em

XXX




Here's some gems from Alfred-

strange boy!

I love sausage, mash and peas

Alfred learning to walk....getting there

What noise does a lion make?

Alfred and Simon dancing and playing

How Alfred remembers Simon from the above and me

and it's all about Simon- he loves him!!!