Update 24

Hi all,

I hope you had wonderful Christmas' with your families and loved ones.

I was very fortunate to have a great illness free time with my family and Simon's family.

After a delayed start for chemo on Friday, I had the best chemo I had so far. I don't know whether it was mind over matter as I was determined not to be ill over Christmas or the fact that we seem to have all drugs working to make me well, but whatever it was it worked. I am not questioning just hoping that the next one follows suit!

So apart from almost fainting in Oliver Bonas due to lack of food, my pre- Christmas preparations were great and all presents arrived safe and sound. Our Christmas Tree, despite lacking a star (honestly, there were no nice ones left in London!) was filled with tinsel, baubles and sparkling lights- picture attached. It was my first grown up one so I am a little biased.

Christmas day involved me waking up at 5am and behaving like a small child until Simon woke up and allowed us to open our presents. I was the proud recipient of a number of fantastic presents including a beautiful heart necklace, Jamie's cookbook and joseph joseph nesting bowls to name a few. I don't mean to blow my own trumpet but I had my pressies were sh*t hot as I had more than enough time to plan and pur-chase my presents. The proof is in the pudding- look at Alfred when he met his present- Iggle Piggle on the blog.

Love or Fear? or Both?

So obviously next we ventured over to Amy and Sam's for Christmas lunch with them and Alfred and Mum and Dad and a family friend Emily.

Mum and Emily - Cheers!!

Not sure why we have each other in a romantic headlock

The Boys

Amy opening Alfred's 3000 presents

Christmas lunch - Alfred style

We had a lovely day but we all sorely missed Max who should and would have joined us. Sam cooked up a feast and we left very full and satisfied after kicking the boy's asses at "Scene It". The next day we headed to Simon's parents for more food and presents and some games of "hum-bugs" which I rocked at. Sobriety definitely has its benefits when it comes to my competitive nature. 

Monday involved the whole Knight family congregating at the head matriarch and patriarch's house for more food and games. It was a wonderfully loud and conversation filled day as only the Knights can do!!! I loved it and outlasted Simon and his parents. Thankfully Grandpa Knight forgot that I promised to try some of his lamb next time I came over- dodged a bullet there!

After that and back to London and to the hospital. My neutrophils were fine and dandy thanks to lots of little Christmas injections Simon had been giving to me. So all good on that part.

So we are avoiding the crowds tonight by filling the evening with a lovely dinner with my gorgeous boyfriend at a local restaurant where we will see in the new year with a little champagne and some jazz. Loverly.

New Years McKnight style - woop woop!

Next chemo is on Tuesday and Wednesday so fingers crossed.

Have a Happy New Year and see you in 2011

2010- I got cancer

2011- I got rid of it!

Lots of love and kisses

Em

X

Update Number 23

Hi all,

I have been a bit AWOL since my last update but trust me no news is good news and I thought boring you with my daily nap updates would be a bit narcissistic!

All is good. Hospital day yesterday and meant to be the start of Chemo 4 but alas, those damn neutrophils were too low so I am scheduled in for Friday. Fingers crossed. I never thought I would be in the hospital begging my lovely Macmillian Nurse, Shauna and The Prof for Chemo but if I don't have it this week then my Christmas day will be a bit of a challenge. So again with the white blood cells dance people, my Christmas depends on it. So I have had the non-chemo part of my chemo, the Rituximab which is the lengthy part - CHECK, and the rest of the week follows two more injections for my neutrophils yesterday- CHECK, today- CHECK. Day off on Thursday to "recover" then chemo 4 and lots of drugs on Friday.

The CT Scan - Not mine

A PET Scan - Again not mine
so ignore the arrow!

You - hee hee!!

To fill you all in about the next couple of months, the plan is to have chemo 4 this week (again fingers crossed), Chemo 5 on 3rd Jan and Chemo 6 at the end of Jan. Then après ca, I wait a month for the chemo to evacuate my person, then have a CT scan (easy peasy) and a PET scan (the lovely one with the radioactive stuff in my veins). If there is any activity, even just a smidge, then I'll either have two treatments; radiotherapy- which Bower doesn't want to do as I am young and it would be in my chest which will increase the likelihood of developing breast cancer later on, or have more chemo and a stem cell transplant. I have been avoiding asking what this is due to fear of it being another horrible invasive procedure but after speaking to my new BFF Flip (I'll introduce you later) I'm not afraid. Basically because I have the Hickmann Line (my best friend and my enemy) all they will do is take my blood, put it through a "washing machine" to get to the stem cells and chuck them in a fridge. Then I will get 2.5 to 3 times my normal dose of chemo and the next day the stem cells go back into my body. This is basically because if they were to give me the full whammy they would kill my blood cells and it would take a long time for them to recover. Therefore by taking out the stem cells which are the blood cells at the earliest stage of development in the bone marrow and the cells from which all blood cells in the body develop, they can pop them back in and I'll heal quicker. Saying that, this is a 6 week process (they say, although the average is 16 days) whereby I am in isolation. BOR-RING! I'll be in a private room in Hammersmith Hospital which I cannot leave and if you visit you will need to wear full protection as I will have no immune system. So I'll be chilling in my white, ridiculously sanitised room willing my blood cells to produce and reproduce. Alas, this is all chat and Bower won't tell me until we have finished the full 6 so we'll have to see if this is my fate. It'll be horrible having that much chemo but I would do it tomorrow if it cured me and meant the cancer would never come back. Duh! Obviously!

So Bower introduced me to 37 year old Flip who was celebrating her 4th year anniversary in remission. Our stories are very similar, same cancer, same place, same effects on our hearts although she had fluid in her lungs and her heart kept filling up so she had a much more difficult time in the early stages- I thought 2 biopsies were bad! However, there were major differences, in that she was given the option of a stem cell transplant which would almost certainly mean a cancer free life so she jumped on it. Being four years earlier, I believe she looks bad with hazy rose tinted glasses and I know that all people react differently to the drugs but she massively downplays her chemo as nothing more than a bad headache. But you know what? Absolutely fair enough. I hope that I am not sitting there in 4 years and reminiscing about the chemo enough to remember how yucky it is. I want to focus on the recovery and the wonderful things that have come out of it like reminding me how amazing my family, boyfriend and friends are- not that I needed reminding of course! We plan to go for a celebratory drink when I am cured and we can cheers our champagne to our recoveries.

I've had some very interesting conversations with Bower and learnt a lot about cancer. I think the time came when I needed answers to my millions of questions- What is cancer? How old is cancer? Did I do anything to cause my cancer? Very unlike me, the answers to those questions are here in a very simple way, minus Bower's 5 minute pauses. If you aren't interested, skip the next paragraph. I found it fascinating but of course as it's about me, I would!

Basically cancer occurs when the cells of the body in an uncontrolled manner creating a lump called a tumour. 

Cancer is traced back to the Greeks and the starsigns- cancer is the crab after the crab-like features of breast cancer on the breast, but the first documented cases of cancer come from the Egyptians who wrote about breast cancer. However, Bower has a picture of a dinosaur skeleton where it's tail is malformed due to a tumour growth. As Bower puts it, as long as there is life, cells and evolution there is cancer. There cannot be progression without it. When it's put like that it's hard to be angry or pissed off about my situation especially as 1 in 3 people will suffer from it.

Finally, cancer is formed in two main strains- external or internal. Externally there are carcinogenic things around us all the time but most of them do not have the energy to shift good cells into mutated ones even with prolonged exposure. For example, your mobile phone won't cause a brain tumour but if you are already susceptible to a brain tumour (through internal reasons) it may cause the tumour to grow on the side you most hold your phone. The internal factors can be broken down into three; biology- genetics can play a part in cancers but only 5% and mainly with breast cancer also both parents need to be carriers. This isn't the case with my type. Chemistry- some illnesses can increase your chances for non-hodgkins (NHL) namely glandular fever- the kissing disease which I do not have as well. Physics- I'm not obese, I eat well, I don't drink alot or smoke anymore (used to occasionally). I'm young and a woman (NHL is more common in men) so in theory everything should be dandy. There are known causes for cancer but it is very hard to pinpoint causes in an individual cases. To plagiarize the internet "Doctors can seldom explain why one person gets non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and another does not. It is clear, however, that cancer is not caused by an injury, and is not contagious; no one can "catch" non-Hodgkin's lymphoma from another person." There you go- fascinating but pretty useless!! ha ha!!


Wow! Long email about cancer!!

A little more news, little Alfred was in hospital last week. He is home and well now but came down with a throat infection and very high temperature together with his eczema, he was a poorly little bunny. He and Amy spent three days in St Vincents in Tooting and had a little private room with her bed beside his cot- not that either got much sleep. He had massive cabin fever by the end and is loving being out and about with Nanny and Poppa T. I believe he is currently feeding the ducks (and himself- he doesn't quite get it yet) in Wandsworth. I babysat him on Monday and he was on great form. He knows me and who I am and says Emma whenever the phone rings. He is delicious- I can't wait until Christmas day. It's not his first but the first he will remember. Think poor Amy and Sam need a couple a drama free year next year. At least they have had their three things - me, Max and Alfred so that should be the end of it.

So so tired after a long day at the hospital - The Eastalls

Also this week, I went to work, had lunch with some friends at 8 over 8, had my work Christmas dinner, went to borough market, bought our Christmas tree (it's bit wonky and we probably overpaid but it's lush and our first christmas tree together so we love it), I'm sure I did more, I just have a sieve for a brain at the moment (resist the urge to comment please).

So with two more days of sanity left, there are christmas presents that need to be wrapped so I best be off.

This will go on the blog as usual - taurusnotcancer.blogspot,com if you forgot.

Thanks once again for all your support and love, even if I don't get back to you please know that it is so appreciated.

Lots of hugs and kisses and see you on the otherside of Chemo 4 (phew...almost there)

Em

XXX




Here's some gems from Alfred-

strange boy!

I love sausage, mash and peas

Alfred learning to walk....getting there

What noise does a lion make?

Alfred and Simon dancing and playing

How Alfred remembers Simon from the above and me

and it's all about Simon- he loves him!!!

Update Number 22

Hi all,

It's been a very long week but I'm finally back and myself after Chemo 3. Done and ticked off. Half way there.

This week has been a tough one as not only I felt rubbish after the chemo but the steroids I have to take for 5 days after, greatly affected my tummy with acid reflux. So Monday started by me vomiting and pretty much continued with constant nausea and dry heaving until I started feeling better on Friday. All that and the lack of food which obviously made me really weak ,together with normal fatigue of the chemo meant that I didn't really get up to much this week. I had a couple of visitors to keep me sane and Simon worked from home on Thursday and Friday to be my amazing carer when I couldn't really look after myself. Poor mum and dad were hearing all about this from Noosa, not being able to help physically but offering me and Simon comfort on the brief moments I was able to speak to them. Unfortunately, this is however, completely normal as the steroids are nasty but essential and they have given me a pill (charcoal or something) which I take all the time now- I would have had injections or anything to prevent the nausea! Other than that- all good for my health.

My carer Simon with dinner last week - yum!

But alas, this is not a grumpy email as I am so so much better. My beautiful crisp and sunny today consisted of waking up late, being given an egg muffin by my lovely boyfriend (second day running I might add!), followed by a Skype tour of my parent's new pad. We then went out to Clapham Old Town Farmer's Market and picked up some cupcakes, then went for a stroll on Northcote Road and a drink with some good friends who brought me jelly belly's- thanks Lu! My evening consisted of Fish and Chips and snuggling - my perfect day! You certainly appreciate feeling better once you have been feeling crap for about 2 weeks including my lovely hospital visit last week. Long wig joined Simon and I on our daytime date and for the first time in ages I felt like a normal girl with her normal boyfriend. Poor Simon has been walking about on eggshells as I was like Volcano Eykafallajokull (could blow at any time) and refused to be touched even a little bit so he was grateful to have his girlfriend back this weekend.

Alfredo came to visit on Tuesday and although he was a big bundle of energy who I could only watch crawl around the flat like Tasmanian devil, we did manage a small amount of child abuse by making him try on all the hats I have been given. We managed to snap most of the hats before meltdown but unfortunately not all so please see the blog for the results. (Please feel free to post some comments as I'm sure Simon and I haven't done him justice.)

I have now officially on my way to a sugar induced coma (really good for the stomach Emma!) and I have run out of things to say, so I will leave you be and wishing you a very happy week.

Wrap up warm

Lots of love and kisses

Em

XX

This is the way he rolls at his crib with his hos...

My name is Henrik and I am from Amshterdam

"Duuuuude, did you see that smokin' hot mama?"

The only non hat- my sick bucket so of course, his favourite...

Mama's favourite too!

"I'm a little teapot, short and stout..."

"Please mama. Can I have some more?"

"No woman, no cry".... not so much!

"This is not 100% cashmere...waaahhhh!"

"This water is not 10 degrees. I ONLY drink water at 10 degrees" 

"...and I did it myyyyyyyy wayyyyyyyy...."

Update Number 21

Another update as I am feeling generous this week but only a short one.

I am home. I was given the all clear this morning and they found nothing which is insanely common as there are millions of types of bugs and as they couldn't narrow it down they just gave me' broad spectrum antibiotics which seem to have done the trick!!

 There was a little battle between the ward boss Mr Steel (who looked like a cross between an 70s porn star with a creepy moustache and dave grohl with a rock star moustache- between you and me a strangely sexy mix- i never did get the courage up to ask if this was a movember moment or a permanent fixture to his face) and bower boss as the ward boss tried to discharge me last night and at every possibility as to be honest I was a lot more well than most people in there and I was using up precious bed space but what bower wants bower gets so i was dismissed on his orders.  

Mmmm... 70s Porn Star

Mmmm... Dave Grohl

The infamous Prof Bower!!!!

I was so well that i started on the first and most lengthly section of chemo at 1h30- the R of R-CHOP so only need chop tomorrow which are 10 mins, 20 mins and 40 mins followed by though which shall not be named. I should be out of the hospital tomorrow in a few less hours than I would be. Im going to visit little Aimee as well from the ward too. She was diagnosis of lupus which I think is going to be a bit of a longer and tougher journey than me which is a big shame but at least she has an answer- the lack of answers is the most difficult.

Mum and dad have gone off to Aus tonight so will be reading this in 12 hours when they land in Singapore. As hard as it was to get on that plane for them and leave me, Amy and Alfred behind they really needed to go and move out of their rental house and into their new home which they have completely renovated whist being super parents in London for us all. They go to noosa for a bit of rest and cancer free time which they unquestionably deserve. But this means there are some vacant positions available: "secretary" "driver", "cleaner" "washer" "cook" "counsellor" and "babysitter" and thats just for me! Applications to the email above.

There is also another addition to the mccknight household, drum roll please, long brown wig!!!!! Some very old family friends (eekk not too old- oops!) from Washington extremely kindly purchased it as a present to me and I absolutely adore it. For some reason it fits much better than the other one, which I am slightly bored of because it is "so me'" and I think looks a darn lot better. In fact it has inspired me to work harder so i can employ a minion to do my hair exactly like it when it grows long enough!! So dear friends and family if you see simon giving a kiss to a long haired stunning brunette on the street, think twice before kicking him in the gonads as it that stunner may be me!!

Thank you for all your "grow blood cells grow" celebrations- they worked!! My neutrophils were the highest they've ever been at 40!!! Good work team!

Right off to be drugged now with my rohypnil (sp) for a good nights sleep and we'll speak on the other side of chemo 3.

Lots of love and kisses to you all
Em xx

Sent from my iPhone

Update Number 20

Hi all,

Quick update to easy your worries as I know you are all super worried!!

Still here in aau in Chelsea and Westminster- should be in Thomas maccauley but there's no room. Feeling much better but not 100%. My fever has stabilised and my bloods and everything are fine but now I am off the antibiotics, I need to be 'normal' for the next 24 hours before chemo will even be considered. The hickmann line can be used which is fabulous. I tried to be brave when the blood lady (her job is to got round the hospital taking blood off patients all day- literally my worst career choice ever) came this morning and very begrudgingly let her try and she couldn't get blood so I  immediately cried and fired her and told the doctor on her. You don't mess with me and my veins.

Blood taker ladies mess (bottom one!)- OWWWW big bruise!!!

Cannula mess on the other arm - human pin cushion me!!

My neighbours have all pretty much changed. Mr grumpy old man and mr serious head concussion were discharged. Mrs bravest lady in the world  has been transferred- where they tried 13 times to cannulate her and made her a pin cushion and she was still smiling and telling jokes while I was dry-heaving and running out of the room. Little aimee is beside me' is so sweet. I've kind of adopted her as she is in the diagnostic stage where I was not so long ago so been giving her advice about biopsies and other procedures I know about. My favourite Margaret has been transferred out to another ward and boy was she a source of entertainment today. A few choice comments to her and from her whilst she was being washed or moved. "how dare you touch me", "don't bite me Margaret", "you swine", yelling out for help from the people "on the street", "get off me you beasts" all with such venom and when she didn't get her own way she would say "I'm going to be sick" which worked once with each nurse until they cottoned on to her wicked ways. Even though she has now been moved I'm pretty sure I'll hear "could I have a cold drink please?" which she repeated at least 350 times throughout the night. I'll miss her.

A little bit longer than I thought I would write but I couldn't not share Margaret with the world!

So the plan is for me' to be fine for 24 hours then chemo on Friday either as a day patient on the medical day unit downstairs or in thomas maccauley if I have been moved at that point. My neutrophils (yes those bloody things again) have dropped so I am low again so all your "grow White blood cells grow" dances and songs will be gratefully received. The little injections will make them grow if your dances/ songs don't! Yea!!

Right bedtime for me' now.

Lots of love and hugs
Em xxx

Sent from my iPhone

Update Number 19

Alas, we have transgressed backwards as I am writing yet another update from a hospital bed in aau. So literally 5 minutes after I sent my update last night i took my temperature and at 38.4 simon had to rush me to the hospital a&e. This temperature combined with my prickly heat, fever, nausea and vomiting meant either my body may have very well contracted a bit of a bug. Not surprising really considering how chilly it is outside and how up and down my immune system has been.

So after 6 hours in a&e, a blood test taking out 17 pints from my arm (couldn't do it in the line apparently- fabulous!) and a canula in my other arm for three sets of antibiotics and a drip (again no line was used! Don't they understand needle phobia? I actually vomited when the doctor did the canula so kudos to him for sticking me with a needle while I was violently heaving. Finally some blood from my hickmann line was also taken.

After arriving at 7.30pm at 1.45 I was finally taken out of a&e and into aau, the delay due to a massive shortage of beds. At 4.20 the doctor managed to see me' and said there definitely was an infection somewhere in my body, thus my high temperature. This was a comfort as I was beginning to think I had got myself into a Pavlov's Bell state by feeling nauseous in preparation for the chemo which makes me nauseous. The mind can be a very powerful thing. While in was in hospital the first time, one of the oncologists said a story of a chemo patient who had had the all clear for about 5 years who bumped into their chemo doctor in the supermarket and promptly vomited at his feet at the pure sight of him. I've got visuals of puking over prof bowers basket in tesco- revenge for his horrible wig comment!

So no chemo for this week anyway until I am a back and kicking. Thanks for your chemo wishes and hopefully we will get this show back on the road asap. I am literally opposite the first bed I was admitted into which is weird and there are a couple of familiar faces in the doctors and nurses, the ward is full and there is a right mix. The little lady next to me' thinks its 1939 and keeps asking for water even though she has been told she is nil by mouth literally 238 times. She's a right feisty thing and pretty much refuses to answer questions or be examined. She's also half deaf so there are people yelling at her constantly. God I've missed this place!!!

I'm due to be here until tomorrow at the moment but as we all know that everything changes on a daily if not hourly basis. Doctors and ducklings are en route so I best be off.

Please can you forward this on to people as it's from my iPhone and I'm not sure I've got all the addresses on here. I'll pop it on the blog- taurusnotcancer.blogspot.com

Lots of love and kisses

Em xxx

Sent from my iPhone

Update Number 18

Hi all,


Sorry for neglecting you again but this week has been thankfully stress and drama free and frankly I'm not sure what I have done, it's that boring. 

Neutrophils v bugs
through a microscope

Health wise- physical and mental- I've been good. My neutrophils (good White cells) were low as to be expected after the chemo so I had nurse simon administer some more of those lovely little injections (which have a hormone in them to make my bones make more neutrophils) and after my course of 3 days which is what I had last time, my neutrophil level had actually gone down which wasn't great. It doesn't hurt or make me feel crappy just means I have to be super careful about what I eat for fear of poisoning myself and need to wrap up warm for fear of giving myself a cold. So three more days from nurse simon and some more hospital visits, my neutrophils shot through the roof. Given that the average optimal level of neutrophils in the human body is between 2.5 and 8.5, my level of 25 was a huge jump. No more injections for a little while then! Good news as you are no longer being injected by your loved one but also as your bones ache like you have done and a marathon or two (I imagine and will know the pain in 2012 Cathy and Tom I promise!!) So I was pretty fatigued most of the week and weekend so I guess that's what I've been doing- resting my concrete block legs, hips and back.  


I also went to work for a couple of hours on Wednesday to say hi and check through my 900 emails. It was lovely to distract Nina and the rest of the team again and feel human but I'm not sure how you lot do it- work is very tiring!! Much prefer my sofa and tv!! It was so worth it though. 

He stole my haircut - bastard!

Prof Bower is well as he can be and I saw him a couple of times last week due to my bipolar neutrophils. Ever the charmer, he wandered over and exclaimed "we've had a quote and decided your wig is the worst wig we have ever seen." nice huh! His point which he always has a mangled way of getting to, is that I should embrace the bald. Despite it being very very cold outside I have begun to leave wig at home and just wear a hat. Think that is also because I have yet to wash wig so it is looking a little scraggly and unloved presently so tonight I can't do anything as I am washing my hair (in a bowl with special shampoo and not in the shower on my head in case you were wondering).


Also found out this week that they only do 50 cardial drains a year in the hospital so I was a rare treat on the AAU- no wonder I was so popular with all the duckings in the ward.  Speaking of being popular, sorry to wax lyrical but I've been reading through all the emails I have received throughout the last 6/7 weeks and I am so overwhelmed by all your support and care. I am really sorry if I have yet to get back to you and I know that it is incredibly rude given the time you have taken out of your busy lives to brighten my day with an email but some days can be a little tricky and although those days are getting better as the chemo leaves my body before the next cycle, my head isn't always with it. At the moment, my to do list is very long and is being added to each day- I am not at my most productive. Enough shoddy cancer excuses, please know that I am very grateful and don't stop them coming- even with the new blog!! Leave abusive comments if you like- if they are anonymous I wont know they're from you!! taurusnotcancer.blogspot.com 


Bit slushy update today but not feeling 100% as I have round 3 in the boxing ring tomorrow which I am nervous about and is making me' feel nauseous in advance. Bower has given the okay to sedation tomorrow so they will date rape drug me up (yes the actual one-'only a little so I am dopey and not passed out) before the lumbar puncture tomorrow. So as you can probably sense from my tone my humour has taken a long weekend in the countryside and is stuck in traffic somewhere on the m4. After this, I'm halfway through and counting. Bring on the next couple of months quickly! Given that it doesn't seem too long since my last one, hopefully that christmas wish might be granted. 

I hope you all are well and keeping warm (cool in Australia/ NZ) and see you on the other side of round 3.


Lots of hugs and kisses 
Em xxx


Sent from my iPhone

Update Number 17

Hello all

I've been a bit bipolar recently and a bit grumpy but I am feeling really good again. It's been a week since chemo and I am finally feeling human again. I think that is just how long it will take each time which sucks but at least we can plan and cater for my absence from society and humanity with a bit of forward planning and fridge filling prior to chemo. Cancer Emma isn't too much fun so we should just keep her locked up methinks! Saying that boring ill Emma breeds fun active Emma so I guess she can stay for the next 5 months if she keeps quiet.

I have been a busy little bee and in order to keep my little brain stimulated, I have created a blog which include all my updates from hospital and a couple of additional videos, photos and links of my time in hospital and beyond!! I keep forgetting people on the emails and not sure if everyone has seen all the past updates so now I need not worry because it'll be up to you check- i'm so so lazy now! The address is http://taurusnotcancer.blogspot.com/- enjoy!!

This week has been pretty calm apart from a couple of hospital visits for check ups and bloods. I had my stitches in my chest of the line out so it's wonderful that that is the biggest news of the week. All seems to be going well with the body so I am not complaining except I have joined the world of the follicly impaired- yep that's right- I'm bald!!! Very bald and I have to say it's a very weird experience- seeing your head!

Now you see it....

Now you don't...errr,,,hold on that's not right...

Ew! The bath- sorry I had to add!

Last Sunday my hair was still staying put but only because I wasn't washing it or even touching it for fear it would fall out except I was shedding everywhere I lay my head. So I took the bull by it's horns and with the help of my superstar boyfriend we washed my hair and got me about 90% bald! Simon even cleaned up the bath and was an absolute support for me when I was a little teary. It was so cathartic and although a little emotional, I felt all the better after. It was going to happen eventually so it was nice to be in control. It was rather fitting that Sunday was also Halloween so as we, Simon, the bald head and me watched The Witches and avoided trick or treaters (I did it last year so I thought my fellow building mates could step up this year), for the first time in my life, I could relate to The Witches. They were just misunderstood. You would be grumpy and bitter too if you had horrible bald heads like they do. Such a shame. Simon almost undid all his good work by suggesting I didn't need a costume this year and I could easily answer the door and scare small children au natural. Nice things to Emma + Horrible things to Emma = neutral so I guess he's in the clear. 

The Witches: Misunderstood

Mum and I got me a buzz cut on Monday so all the wispy bits were removed and I have a beautifully bald, oval head which is now always on show (Pictures on the blog)!!! I keep catching my round pale head by surprise in either my shadow or the mirror so get a mini shock each time, but bar removing all the mirrors and reflective surfaces in the house, I have to recall it's only temporary and my hair will return to it's rightful place on my head. The silver lining is that I haven't shaved my legs or under arms in a week- score!! For the record, in case you are keeping track, still have eyebrows and eyelashes! As this is a family friendly blog (occasional swear words notwithstanding) I will leave you to ponder on the status of the rest of my hair. Let's not over share!

Dad and I had a lovely, father-daughter day out to Costco yesterday which was marvelous. Please be expecting all your Christmas presents from this, my new favourite store. I will just leave it up to you as to whether you require a months supply of Haribo (or a 3 day supply for the Endemol office ;) ), a BFG sized tinned tuna or more loo roll than you can shake a stick at. Who said practicality wasn't glamorous!!  

A-Mazing! The best place in the world...ever

Project House-into-Home is very much underway and I am slowly turning our abode into a lovely little set up for us both, although the circumstances are rather different from what I ever wanted or imagined them to be (who thinks they will get cancer!), when I am feeling well it's nice to be able to do things my previously busy life would not have allowed like bake (albeit badly and from a packet) and sort out my old clothes for ebay. This is obviously the silver lining though- I'd much rather be healthy and back to normal but I'm sure that time will come and I'll catch myself craving my lethargic Cancer life momentarily- if just for the pace of life rather than the delightful chemo treatment!  

As this email has taken me a ridiculous 3 days and woke me up at the middle of the night, at 5:18am i will sign off.

I hope you all have wonderful bonfire nights and sorry I couldn't deliver on my party promise (joint McKnight decision that it was just a bit too risky). Be safe and wrap up warm and we'll speak soon.

Lots of love and kisses

Em

XXX

Update Number 16

Sent: Saturday, October 30, 2010 10:56 AM

Hi all,

I hope you are well. One week more down and one more chemo session down.

As seems to be the case with the life of Emma at the moment, good news and bad.

Good news, I had an x-ray on Tuesday which showed that my tennis ball of a tumour has gone down considerably which is great news after one session of chemo. Also my white blood cells had reacted well to my daily injections and had been growing back my good cells at a super rate. So good news all round.

Bad news which isn't actually bad news- I'm just being dramatic! but I had my second boxing match with the chemo on Wednesday which went as well as expected. I think I've just got to acknowledge that it will knock me for six and push me back a couple of days which is tough when you've been plodding along nicely. Along with the chemo, I had the normal lumbar puncture (what House is always doing to his patients) which is a typical part of my treatment where they put a bit of chemo into my spine to make sure the bad cells don't nest there. It's pretty grizzly on a normal day but Shiros, my doctor who is very very good at them and done hundreds, couldn't find the right spot so a 5 minute procedure took 30 mins and really tested my composure and mum and Simon's who were also in the room. I think they were almost all in tears by the end of it. I certainly was!!

So it's not really bad news so I apologise for misleading you but I am feeling a little sorry for myself which I am allowing myself for a couple of days and then I;m going to get over it and carry on as normal until chemo 3 in 3 weeks!! Fun and games- you are jealous I know you are!!

Wig got an outing last night- which went down a treat. People who didn't know complimented me on my new haircut and people who did complimented me on my wig!! Hair's still hanging in there!

Bit of a short and sweet email this time but I'll be back on form soon.

Lots of hugs and kisses

Em
XXX